PARENTING 101: WHAT IS YOUR DEFAULT SETTING?

KNOW THYSELF
Sathish Kumar Thiagarajan

We had to visit a clothing store—one of those
usual family outings where you take your wife and
daughter shopping. It was a busy Friday evening, and
from the moment we stepped in, my daughter was
running around, thrilled. Maybe it was the excitement
of finally going out with both parents. Maybe it was
the bright lights and festive energy in the store.
I, however, wasn't as enthusiastic. Her erratic
behaviour irritated me, and I worried she might hurt
herself or disturb others. The store was filled with
potential hazards: glass panels, steel display racks,
mirrored pillars, stacked tables, and mannequins.
Concerned, I firmly gripped her arm and warned
her to stop running, threatening that she wouldn't be
allowed to revisit the store if she didn't behave. I held
her hand tightly until we left 

As a father, I wanted her to be well-behaved in
public. My intention was right, but my approach
wasn't. I shut it down instead of acknowledging
her excitement and guiding her to express it safely.
I unknowingly taught her that her emotions weren't
welcome in public, that she could only be herself at
home, and that she should be overly conscious of
others' opinions - as if their judgements mattered
more than her feelings. I was brought up like that.
That was part of my mom's default setting, her default
parenting style - 'be wary of what others thought'.
Parenting is a series of conscious actions we take
to promote the well-being of our children. Every
moment we spend caring for them defines us as
parents. Parenting happens in the present moment.
Regardless of what we aspire to do or be, our choices
in the now genuinely matter. The first step, therefore,
is to be fully conscious of our actions and make them
with complete awareness. ...

..... The most important thing to realize as a parent
is that parenting happens in the 'now'. We need to be
conscious of whether we are acting from our default
setting, thinking through a choice, or seeking an
expert opinion before we take action.